International Women's Day Post.

Dear Beautiful Genevieve,

From the moment I heard your mom was pregnant, I loved you. When you were born I loved you even more. And when I held you in my arms, my love for you grew even deeper. I want you to know that you are always loved. You are loved just because you exist. No achievement, failure, beauty, scar—no nothing – will ever change my love for you. I hope you never go a day without knowing how deeply you are loved.

You are beautiful. I wait with anticipation for every picture and video your mom sends me. You are gorgeous and never let someone convince you otherwise. Beyond your external beauty, you have a beautiful soul. I see it in your mischievous grin. I see it in how to care for Pickles. I see it in your creative spark and your adventurous spirit. These qualities will grow with you. Hold them close.

There will be days when you don’t feel beautiful, but know in your heart, deeper than that fleeting feeling, that you are in fact beautiful. There will be people who won’t see your beauty. Don’t listen to their hurtful words. Come back to your core and to the people who will always love you to reconnect to the beauty you will always have.  

As you grow up, I want to remind you that life is a journey. You have the power to choose your path. You will make mistakes. They are not bad—you will learn so much about yourself from these mistakes. What you like and what you don’t like, what you value and what you don’t value, what you want to pursue and what you don’t want to pursue. Embrace the imperfection of life. It seems scary I know, but resting in the imperfection bring abounding peace.

It’s tough growing up in today’s society. Women are pressured to look, act, dress, present themselves in a certain light. The world wants to tell you that you are only worthy if you have a certain body and appear perfect. This portrayal is a façade. Take it from me who has experienced this firsthand—that life is miserable. Being your authentic self is the only true way to experience joy in life. Striving for that toner body or that perfect 100% or that ideal guy causes such destruction. Instead, I encourage you to pursue your dreams and not let any person, ideal, or standard stop you from loving the life you live!

I want to leave you with one last piece of wisdom: show compassion to others and especially yourself! In each moment know you are doing the best you can and allow that grace to flow throughout your soul. Be kind to your body as it is the vessel that connects your inner being to the world around you. Have faith that your hard work leads to something miraculous.

You inspire me to be fearlessly authentic every day. You motivate me to want to be recovered so that I can be a positive example of a young empowered woman for you. Thank you for being your absolutely precious self. You have more impact on the world than you can possibly know.

My deepest love,

Margaret Hartmann

2017.

There are so many memes circling social media about how 2016 was the worst year yet. For me, 2016 was probably my best year yet. Regardless of your opinion on 2016, we are starting anew with 2017. A new year sparks reflection. What am I doing that I like? That I hate? What do I want to change?

Most of the year we fight change. Change is hard, uncomfortable, and scary. But for whatever reason, the new year empowers us to embrace change. Unfortunately, many times we place this positive motivation for change on our bodies. I say “we” because I’ve done it myself. Four years ago, I decided I wanted to lose weight for my new year’s resolution. I was uncomfortable in my body, and I figured, why not lose a few pounds for the new year. Before I knew it, this seemingly harmless resolution turned into a raging eating disorder.

I lost sight of what I valued because I was overly focused on my body. My relationships, which is one of my top values, took the hardest hit. My connections with my friends suffered, and my relationship with my parents was strained. I couldn’t bond with people emotionally because numbing out the bad also numbed out the good. Eventually, I was pulled completely out of my relationships because I had to leave college twice due to my eating disorder. Losing weight made me lose the very things I love.

Now I’m not saying that everyone who starts a diet gets an eating disorder. Not at all! However, I do think that for everyone, diets take you out of relationship. When you are on a diet, you can’t go out for ice cream with your friends or take that late night study break to What-A-Burger. You can’t relax on the couch all day because you have to exercise. You can’t look in the mirror and see your beauty because simply by being on a diet, you are saying your body is not good enough. Most importantly, diets consume your thoughts and energy, taking you out of the present moment. Out of your life.

This year, I want my new year’s resolution to look different. I want it to truly align with my values and bring me closer to those I love. So with the start of 2017, I choose to honor my relationships. To make the time to call my family. To be consciously vulnerable with my friends. To be there for those who need support. To let others support me. To be present.

I encourage you to do the same. Don’t make your new year’s resolution to lose weight—I promise it won’t fulfill you. Instead, as you form your new year’s resolution, ask yourself:

What can I do to better align my actions with my values?

How can I invest my time in my passions?

What can I do to be present in my daily life?

Whole30

Let's face it. Society places a huge emphasis on weight and physical appearance. Think about how many diet plans are out there. There’s the Paleo diet, the Mediterranean diet, the grapefruit diet. Popular in LA are the juice cleanses and detoxes. There’s Weight Watchers, Hydroxycut, and let’s not forget whole30challenge. 

The millions of diets, clean-eating plans, and fitness programs and technology, and surgery all promise one thing: confidence in yourself and love for your body. Not a bad goal…it’s actually a huge goal in my recovery. But where we differ is in the means to the happy healthy you. The diet mentality says the only way to be comfortable in your skin in to lose weight. And by losing weight, the diet “promises” you self-confidence, self-worth, and meaning in life.

This. Is. A. Lie.

Believe me, for years I completely ate it up. I believed if I lost “x” more pounds I would love my body. I aimed to change my body in hopes of finding my place in the world. I ate ‘clean’ to get rid of the disgust and shame I held. But at the end of each day, I was left without any self-worth and zero confidence in my skin. As I lost more and more weight, I began losing who I was. I lost my fiery spirit. I lost my spunk. I lost my will to live.

In direct contrast to everything I’ve heard in the world, I’ve discovered more happiness as I gained weight. Because as I gained weight, I gained myself back. I have opinions again. I have passions that spur a desire to make a difference in the world. I can be silly and not care what people think. I’ve gained back laughter—the kind where you can’t breathe and your stomach hurts so bad!

All of that I did by expanding what I ate…not restricting it. Through eating, I am discovering that confidence doesn’t come from the scale or my physical body at all. It comes from embracing my true spirit. I am reconnecting and maybe knowing for the first time that my self-worth is found in God’s love for me and the incredible human he has created me to be. I am learning that my past mistakes and even future ones do not change that.

A month ago my dietitian challenged me to a different kind of whole30. 30 days of eating 100% of my meal plan. It’s a huge accomplishment that I did it and that am continuing on that path. (Go me!) What I have discovered is that sticking to the plan gives me freedom to find my value in things other than my body.

So I leave you with a similar challenge. For 30 days, fight the diet mentality. However this looks for you, whether its by eating what you want, exercising when it feels good, complimenting your kids on things other than their appearance, directly speaking up for body acceptance, or quietly embracing your body, stick to it for 30 days. It’s my bet that at the end of the 30 days, you’ll keep it going just like I have.